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DATING CHRONICLES: What NOT To Say in Your Online Dating Profile

DATING CHRONICLES: What NOT To Say in Your Online Dating Profile | DateOxygen.comWhat NOT to Say in Your Online Dating Profile

by j.e. doré | Date Guru @ DateOxygen.com


Match, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, OKCupid, Meetup…I can remember when it all started.

Although I was married and not looking for a date [I’ve come to learn that these are not mutually exclusive, by the way], my writer’s curiosity was piqued. What’s that old saying? Oh, yeah… “Be careful what you wish for.”

Flash forward almost two decades and I find myself one week post-sign-up…and writing this blog during a quiet half hour before I go on my very first date.

I read something the other day that said it’s never been a better time to be single in terms of the number and variety of ways to meet potential partners. The fount of online and local venues geared to getting singles together has grown exponentially in the last several years. The newest ones are steering away from one-on-one dates and moving toward more relaxed group events [eliminating the need to chew off a foot to escape].

I’m optimistic that these venues will substantially shorten my search through the haystack. Of course, you have to do a hell of a lot of sifting to find your golden needle…and, sometimes you get a little dung on your hands. Humor is key.

Here’s my first week’s worth of dung…let it be known that these comprise just a partial list of what NOT to say in your online dating profile:

10. “I dont drive and never will i guess.”

9. An insightful response to the question “What are six things you can’t live without?”: “Women in heels, and thats pretty much it.”

8. “I WILL NEVER BUY A HOUSE …I PARTY WITH MY MONEY”

7. And, what woman could resist the challenge of the guy who answered the question ‘What are you doing with your life?’ so honestly? – “waiting to get flirted with dang it!”

6. “I love romance..but if you are easy..lets hook up. Just dont make me struggle for it..im lazy by now.”

5. “Not a whole lot to tell here. I have never been married and I do not have any kids that I know of :-). I do not date nor do I want to. I am here to find people to talk to.”

4. “that this site is crap and no one writes back..ok someone wrote back to say my profile sucked. LOL”

3. “I pee sitting down.”

2. “I’m enjoying dating women who will enjoy and support the fact that I am occasionally a little bit sexually attracted to men as well as women.”

1. “My wife says I have the charm of Shrek and the tact of the Donkey.”

So, please, guys…if you’re online, give us women a little leeway if we happen to sound suspicious, neurotic, or mildly bitchy in our initial contact with you. What comes into our Inbox is even worse.

In need of more dating tips? Check out our Date Memo with a list of Dating Dos and Don’ts.

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